Sorry Little One

Suddenly, my mom texted me to remove my Whatsapp display picture. I showered her with my "Kyu" "Kyu" thinking what the reason might be. She disclosed that Chinu, who was in my profile picture was no more. Chinu our cat actually kitten, was just 1.15 months old. We lost him to a road accident, my mother, almost crying, said it happened last Friday early morning, I couldn't control my tears but one thing shook me to my core, that was the same day and around the same time my accident happened, got some injuries. Still, I survived by gods grace, but Chinu didn't. It felt like he took my death. That poor soul, I feel guilty for his death. It feels like a death was written for a kid and he took it for me. Even though he was a stray cat but, his mother birthed him in our home and since then he was part of the family, my parents who were never in favor of having any pet took him and his mother in. My dad would come back from work and play with him, he would even clean his leftover food which included hunted pigeons, and lizards so that my mom won't be angry at Chinu for the mess in our garage. He would roam around with my mom while she did her chores. He became close to our hearts in no time. My mom would show his activities to me on a video call and my dad would post his videos in the family group just like parents pamper their infants.

My parents even bought meat cat food for him in a pure veg household. After all it was for Chinu, which literally translates to "Little One"; he was our little one indeed. Milk and water bowls became the new normal. While he played with us, his mother would keep an eye on him all the time, and she was teaching him fight techniques everyday slowly, he had a long way to go. But destiny had other plans, still not able to figure out if it was his or mine. We loved him, we loved him so much that we would leave our lunch to look for him if he wasn't home the entire morning. But now what? 

I was with a friend coming back to campus after having a blast at the convocation party, when a car crashed into us, and we fell, I experienced pain and difficulties so we rushed to ER at 3 in the morning; next day, got some X-rays and not gonna lie I was damn scared for myself. But fortunately, nothing major happened, and it was all curable. This weekend was a rough patch for me emotionally and physically, suffering from the immense pain and scared of what might've happened. Little did I know at the time that our little angel lost his life. I am thankful that I survived as well as guilty for what happened to him, it could've been a lot worse for me but here I am. I wish he was there to celebrate our recovery together. My mom doesn't know what happened with me but Chinu's mother surely knows what happened to her kid. His mother now sits silently in our lawn. It's a void I can't fill and we have to live with it. 

We loved and we lost, I just want to say sorry to Chinu. I am sorry for being self centered, sorry for putting myself at risk, sorry for not telling my parents about the accident, sorry for separating you from the family. He died, and I lived. I hope I do some justice to my life, Chinu will always be an integral part of my life from now on; he took death upon himself to save another kid. Same kind of accident on the same day around the exact time, coincidence I don't think so. Thank you, Chinu. I'll always love you. Please forgive me wherever you are.

PS- Please don't talk to me about Chinu if we meet, I won't be able to handle it.